C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
