About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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