She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
