So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
