It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
