my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
My life is pants optional.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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