you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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