I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
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