That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Randomize
