We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
