Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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