you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Randomize