In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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