My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
