guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he was CRYING into my vagina
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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