Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hello my rib-scented angel!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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