i dedicated my morning wood to you.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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