I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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