so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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