Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
she peed on how many people?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
