I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
