There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
