I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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