I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
