It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
