Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
