Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
