lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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