he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
