About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
