I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
