I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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