please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
