just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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