At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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