yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
