Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
