I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I am spending my child support on dildos
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
