I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
