I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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