just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
