He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
