it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
