That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
