He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
