Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
