i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
