I would go down on you faster than GM stock
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
