My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i need some magic done to my vagina
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
