I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
